I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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