from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
