can we get nightvision for the apartment?
this beer tastes like vomit already
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
