Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Actions speak louder than pants.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
