there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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