i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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