Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
