I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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