my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
