and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
