I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
