Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
