I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
