I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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