I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
