I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
