yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
