i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
