Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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