This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
