I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
