drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
