So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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