There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
