Plan B is the new Plan A
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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