There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
