Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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