so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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