This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you told grandpa to call you daddy
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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