He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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