If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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