I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
