All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
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sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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