Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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