so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
