Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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