You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
