we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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