this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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