my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
