i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
