She said her name was "party"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
