Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
