Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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