I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
