I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
