There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
