I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
