Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
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I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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