You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
