The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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