I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
