What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I need to stop coming to work sober
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
