PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I party with great urgency now.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
