I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
