she woke up with a sticky ear
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
