i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
