i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Randomize
