On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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